Thursday, January 21, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
My Greatest Fears
So I just had the worst dream I've ever had.
Some if not all of you know that I take care of my best friends daughter Emma, during the week. I take great joy in this and love Emma just as much as I love Titania. That being said...
I have had a few great fears in my life. My fear of spiders has been with me for longer then I can remember. Before I met Dan, one of the big ones was that I would die alone. After meeting Dan, a big fear became losing him in one way or another. Now my greatest fear is something happening to my family. By family I mean Dan and Titania, of course, but I also mean Missy, Emma and now Craig. These three people are also my family. Of all my friends and family Dan, Titania, Missy, Emma, and Craig are the ones that are closest with me. Physically as well as emotionally.
Okay so let me tell you about my dream.
The way it starts out is I lose Dan, Titania, Missy and Craig in a tragic accident. But because I am not willed to be Emma's guardian (in my dream I don't know who it is or why none of my other friends are around) but in my heart I can't bear to lose her as well. Emma and I are homeless, living in a car, and living off of the hope that people will leave their doors unlocked so we can sneak in so Emma can have something to eat. So that's the back story (yes my dreams come with their own back stories)
Emma and I are driving around (in the dream she's still about 4 or 5) and both of us are looking pretty raged, she's wearing her princess nightgown, and slippers, and an old sweater I found as a coat. I don't know what I'm wearing. So we find this house and sneak in, in the middle of the night. Emma wants to stay and swing on the swing set in the yard so I tell her to be very quiet and swing, while I go find us some food.
A few minutes later as I'm shoving food into a bag I hear a truck pull up outside. Running off of basic instincts I drop everything and sprint for Emma. Dragging her off the swing set, she loses both slippers and her sweater. She has some trouble keeping up with me and ends up slipping on an incline of grass and slides down it on her butt. She starts crying so I pick her up and take off. I stash her in the car, and explain that she has to stay there or she might get taken away from me, and I head back for her slippers and sweater, mainly because the slippers are the only other thing left from our "before" life, and I can't bear to tell her they are gone.
Well as I creep back up to the swing set and grab the sweater and slippers, I get noticed by a man who's working on the house while the owners are out of town. I woke up hearing him calling after me as I ran back to Emma.
I wanted to cry when I woke up. Cry because I was relieved to know it was just a dream, Dan was in bed next to me, and I could hear Titania sleeping in her crib as I came out to the living room. And cry because I honestly don't know what I would do if that dream ever came to reality. I'm sure it won't, I have that much faith that my life will never be THAT tragic. But I guess this is what happens when you have a family. That sort of thing just automatically becomes a fear.
Some if not all of you know that I take care of my best friends daughter Emma, during the week. I take great joy in this and love Emma just as much as I love Titania. That being said...
I have had a few great fears in my life. My fear of spiders has been with me for longer then I can remember. Before I met Dan, one of the big ones was that I would die alone. After meeting Dan, a big fear became losing him in one way or another. Now my greatest fear is something happening to my family. By family I mean Dan and Titania, of course, but I also mean Missy, Emma and now Craig. These three people are also my family. Of all my friends and family Dan, Titania, Missy, Emma, and Craig are the ones that are closest with me. Physically as well as emotionally.
Okay so let me tell you about my dream.
The way it starts out is I lose Dan, Titania, Missy and Craig in a tragic accident. But because I am not willed to be Emma's guardian (in my dream I don't know who it is or why none of my other friends are around) but in my heart I can't bear to lose her as well. Emma and I are homeless, living in a car, and living off of the hope that people will leave their doors unlocked so we can sneak in so Emma can have something to eat. So that's the back story (yes my dreams come with their own back stories)
Emma and I are driving around (in the dream she's still about 4 or 5) and both of us are looking pretty raged, she's wearing her princess nightgown, and slippers, and an old sweater I found as a coat. I don't know what I'm wearing. So we find this house and sneak in, in the middle of the night. Emma wants to stay and swing on the swing set in the yard so I tell her to be very quiet and swing, while I go find us some food.
A few minutes later as I'm shoving food into a bag I hear a truck pull up outside. Running off of basic instincts I drop everything and sprint for Emma. Dragging her off the swing set, she loses both slippers and her sweater. She has some trouble keeping up with me and ends up slipping on an incline of grass and slides down it on her butt. She starts crying so I pick her up and take off. I stash her in the car, and explain that she has to stay there or she might get taken away from me, and I head back for her slippers and sweater, mainly because the slippers are the only other thing left from our "before" life, and I can't bear to tell her they are gone.
Well as I creep back up to the swing set and grab the sweater and slippers, I get noticed by a man who's working on the house while the owners are out of town. I woke up hearing him calling after me as I ran back to Emma.
I wanted to cry when I woke up. Cry because I was relieved to know it was just a dream, Dan was in bed next to me, and I could hear Titania sleeping in her crib as I came out to the living room. And cry because I honestly don't know what I would do if that dream ever came to reality. I'm sure it won't, I have that much faith that my life will never be THAT tragic. But I guess this is what happens when you have a family. That sort of thing just automatically becomes a fear.
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